{MONOlogue}

You know those moments in life that define how the rest of your life will be. They are pivotal moments where you think to yourself, or perhaps say out loud, “Wow, my life will never be the same again!” Most of the time these moments encompass events such as moving out of your parents house, marriage, parenthood, purchasing a house or car; things of this nature.

Keep this thought in mind as I insert a scripture passage {HERE} 2 Nephi 2:11 “For it must needs be, that there is an aopposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad…”

So in opposition to all those wonderful moments that joyfully define what your future might hold, there must be ‘other’ moments that expose every ill thought that may have ever passed through your mind. The last seven months of my life seem as though they can be summed up as ’OPPOSITION.’ It is funny how if you look back on a time in your life that has been extremely difficult you can, amidst the muck and mud, say ‘Oh yeah, I remember this moment, this was it! This was when I knew…{insert whatever it was that you learned upon reflection}”. Yeah, well normally, at least in my life which is my only judge of normalcy, this is at the midpoint of that difficult time or at least in the downward slope of it. And so at the {hopeful} conclusion of these painfully difficult last seven months, today, I had that defining moment.

There is no picture that could ever capture what is to follow and so this will one of very few post without photographic evidence, and truthfully I do not want photographic evidence of my heart being trampled on and then ground under the tiny pink-painted toes of my 5 year old sweetheart, who is my cherished fisrtborn.

{Now, Mom, if you so much as smirk whilst reading this so help me I will purchase a plane ticket with the last five dollars in my wallet and walk through your front door and scream and yell and then beg your forgiveness and ask for a cup of coco while you rock me to sleep! I mean it, I will!}

I do not know, oh, yes I do, I remember now. I had just finished cleaning up Ellana’s room preparatory to vacuuming, which I always do on Friday, and was moving on to the girls room where they were supposed to be picking up the millions of books they just HAD to read in bed last night. Well they did pick them up -off the floor and put them, not in the book drawer but back on the bed {This is where I started singing hymns in my head so to keep calm}. Then came the crying, “I’m too tired to clean!” “My hands are too cold.” “bla bla bla bla blaaaaa!” {inner-monologue singing stops HERE}. “Fine” I politely say, {yeah, I think in reality it was said a little loud and with, perhaps a slightly sharp tongue, perhaps} “just go play somewhere else and let me finish so I can vacuum and we can get on with our day!” So in hindsight I should have been a bit more particular and said ‘go play downstairs with your toys and do not, whatever you do DO NOT go and play in Ellana’s room and destroy everything I have just cleaned’ {MY BAD}.

Do I really need to tell you what happened in the next five minutes, if I do, go get married and have three kids and then re-read this post. For the rest of you, yes, I lost my cool and kicked them out of Ellie’s room amidst tears and three very angry faces.

So the heart trampling thing: As my dear sweet Ansley exits the room she turns to Miranda while still glaring at me and speaks these very words “Our Mommy is a biggest STUPID head!”

HOLLY FREAKING…WORDS I CAN NOT SAY CAUSE WELL, I HAVE STANDARDS, but I have to admit even at this very moment {almost 5 hours later} I am still think’n a few of them. {Thank goodness for repentance!} Its amazing how someone so little and precious can have such an evil effect on me.

This was my pivotal moment of opposition! Nothing in my life will ever be the same again. I have entered into a new form of existence where the realization that I have three girls filled to the brim with emotions and sweet evilness. It has completely overwhelmed me. At that MOMENT I physically and emotionally crumpled to the floor and have yet to get up. It apparently is etched all over my face because later this afternoon at one of my favorite places in town, a sweet Sister saw me and asked “Gemia, are you having trouble?” I politely answered, “Yes, about 7 months of it.” and then I had to walk away from her because I look up to this Sister and if she would have even so much as touched me, I would have broken down and cried all over her shoulders as my children sat screaming in their prison of a shopping cart.

And so the SILVER lining…the JOY in the journey…the pot of GOLD, my LEMONADE…well Heavenly Father has promised me that “there is an opposition in all things” {2 Nephi 2:11} and so, I guess, I wait. I am supposed to wait and hope that there is a defining moment in my near future that will make right all that has gone so terribly wrong today.

“Wherefore, ye must press forward with a asteadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of bhope, and a clove of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and dendure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eeternal life.” {2 Nephi 31:20}