Being a mother & a wife can be a very selfless & uncongradulatory (I might have made up that word) job. An awesome job, but that's not the point at the moment. I never seem to get things just right. I mean I can have the house clean, the kids bathed, cold soda in the fridge and a hot dinner on the table - but the chicken...the chicken is dry and under seasoned. Or I can forge headlong into the growing pile of laundry completing (and by completing I mean washing, drying,folding and putting away) 4-5 loads of laundry on a gorgeous Saturday so that I will have more time to spend with my family on Sunday with no 'work' to do, only to be meet Sunday morning with tears and tantrums because in the 6th load of laundry is the only dress my four year has ever wanted to wear to church and I promised he at some point in the last week that she could wear it to church this week, not next. Really...I mean Really? Am I alone in all this? This is my state of motherhood lately.
For ONCE I want one perfect day (I know its a pipe dream but let me dream), For ONCE I want to get one whole day, from start to finish, right. For ONCE I want to be the best mom and the best wife -Oh, and mothersday does not count that's just a gimme cause they have to say we are the best on that one particular day. And see how quickly this thinking effects everything...I want to be the BEST at something and not just any something but something that I love and defines a part of who I am, like wifehood, motherhood or for me scrapbooking.
So what brought on this public ranting and raving that is normally reserved for Andrea and Jessica only (maybe Gary if he catches me in a bad moment but that never turns out well)? I lost a race. What race you ask, cause we all know I hate to run! Let me explain. ~you can change to someone else blog at any point you know, its just a mouse click away~ So the third love of my life is scrapbooking. I love it! I have been at it since my freshman year of high school and that's been a while (no dates here, sorry). I love having ink stained fingers and paint on my arms. I love seeing the indention on my thumb and fingers from the scissors and the scraps of "stuff" all over my table and room. I Love it! I really do. Most of all I love my finished pages and the books filled full with moments, events, and memories of our lives. I love reading them with my girls and Gary. I love it! -Have I mentioned that yet? See I love it so much I almost got carried away in my love and forgot about the frustration and anger boiling just under the surface.
The one thing I do not love about it or rather, lets use the word HATE, cause really that is the emotion I am at, about scrapbooking is -sorry girls- the culture and celebrity-hood (that might be another invented word) that has now embedded its filthy claws in something I love. Everything has to be a competition- everything! Its like the act of "becoming a mother", every one has a better pregnancy story than the next, or did it better, or has a cuter baby or fatter baby. Its the constant need for attention that everyone craves because we do have a selfless job and so the thought of someone telling use we are amazing and wonderful and beautiful is so over powering that we succumb and join in the race. And so did it. I have done it once or twice before with the same outcome and effects. Let me just say I THINK MY LIFE IS AWESOME! I really do I am very blessed but not immune to the simple joy a good compliment can give. I think my girls are so incredibly beautiful and my sugar daddy rocks (he bought me a car for my birthday, or so we like to say cause really we had one to many kids and not enough car, but we got it on my birthday and that was cool!). I know that I scrapbook for myself and my family and I love my pages or I would change them -I really would) and I love my style cause it is who I am, but still...the race...no not the race but the big sense of Wow that the compliment gives at then end of the race...Wow...or not so wow when...well I think I have beaten my point to death. So I entered a 4 page layout and 1 alter item race and made pages I really liked and a book that I think ROCKS and... well I wouldn't be ranting if I won now would I. And so I am low and feeling down and unappreciated and its just a nasty spiral once you get going. So the point of all this is that I am asking, no begging for compliments here. Everyone hits rock bottom every now and again and though this is a very petty thing that has happened to this week it really has effected me more than I want to admit. So please help a friend. Look at my pictures and tell me I am cool and I rock and you like my pages (even if you don't - sometimes beggars want more and I want good compliments). Oh and Jess and Andrea, you can't vote cause you are too bias...or so you should be- je je je je je. That's all. You read all this to be told to give me a compliment. i will return the favor I really will. Watch and see. Here are my pages, let the compliments begin...
Oh, by the way if this public rant offends you or you think I have been rather harsh or petty, well you don't really know me then so I'm not all that worried, but I will say sorry that you took offense to my ranting. I hope one day you will get over it. je je je je je. And Gary, if you proof this when you get home and change it so the world does not know that I stink at spelling and get a little emotional when i write so my words come out in the wrong order, just do it, don't tell me about, just do it and move on, thanks, love ya!
this is a great little farm that Krista introduced my family to. thanks, love this place!
these are the spare pictures from my girls chore chart. we have to take new ones soon cause well we have more girls and more chores so I thought I would put these to good use.
this was the day we tried to walk Ellana out of my cozy belly, by walking all the waterfalls in the gorge, no it didn't work - who ever said you can walk a baby out, must have been a man!
This is one of my girls favorite games to play. we dress up, draw a treasure map (now pull out the fabric one I made cause I'm tired of making so many pirate maps) build crazy ocean/island world on our deck and find a treasure of apple slices and chocolate. Its really fun.
And the book rocks and will be added as a slide show as soon as I feed my girls breakfast, we normally eat by 7 and the movie is now over and my bedroom trashed so...well you guessed it back to the job at hand.
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